Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
