put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
