i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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