I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Your penis caused this!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
