I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
