He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
