his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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