dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
