I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
