I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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