Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
