May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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