I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
