No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just tell him i said nine months
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
