i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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