I think im going to throw up on grandma
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
