Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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