we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
