Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
