Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
