he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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