I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
