Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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