Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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