I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
