Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Randomize
