I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
3 2 1 whiskey
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
