he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
