Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
