i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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