So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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