She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We need a shit load of segways right now
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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