her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
