I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
