We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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