I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
