her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
