oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
