I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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