Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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