I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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