maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
