I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
