He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
