im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
