i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
