I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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