she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I would fuck him just for his dog
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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