neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
