Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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